The Goodbye letter
by Kayjolie
Summary: (Placed after the sneak peek scenes for 3x13) Regina leaves the council metting with a broken heart after Emma's words and after thinking about it she takes a decision. She's erasing her memories and leaving Henry and Emma.


** DISCLAIMER: All characters belong the ABC and to the producers and all that. Not mine at all.**

Regina left the room feeling more disappointed than upset. She took herself to the hidden room on the crypt to think what to do next as far as she was again the Evil Queen to everyone around her. She wanted to blow up Storybrooke and every single soul living there, but she knew it was not a possibility. Henry was there and if he ever remembered her he would never forgive such act. She needed him to remember her for her good things, even if there were not many.

She thought about what she did at the meeting. She could have done something worse, much worse, but she only pushed them way and puff out of that place. She didn't even bothered in scaring them seriously. She sat and closed her eyes confused. She only wanted to protect herself, never wanted to scare them, she never wanted to hurt Emma and she was there. Three years ago she would have not cared about the woman, she would have destroyed them all, she would have erased Storybrooke and took Henry with her, but not this time. She was not the Evil Queen again, even if they only saw that.

Regina Mills decided it was time to leave, once and for all. She took a look around her until she found what she was looking for. She gave Emma a new life, she would give herself exactly the same thing. New memories, a new life, a new name.

Regina grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, she was going to vanish from Henry's life but she was going to make sure the boy knew why.

_"My dear son and Mrs Swam._

_ First my son, the only light in my life. Writing this letter is really difficult. Henry I hope you have your good memories of me back when you read this. I want you to understand that this is the second time I have to give you up, and that both times the only reason to give you up is your happiness._

_ Talking about my feelings is not my forte and you know that darling, but I want you to know that every single second by your side it's being precious to me._

_ I let you go when the curse broke because I had to do it to save everyone around us, to save you and your mother too. I did it because you wanted me to be good person and I knew that even for thirty seconds you deserved to be the son of hero and not the son of the Evil Queen. A few years ago I wouldn't have cared about them, only about us Henry. I would have just taken you with me and I would have let them all die without hesitation or regret. I only needed to have you with me Henry. You changed me and your mother did too. You know how much we had to fight to bring you back from Neverland. I was surprised I was able to team up with the Charmings without killing myself in the process, but it worked. Emma... it took her some time to trust me but she ended up trusting me and I learnt to trust her or I thought we did trust each other._

_ When I had to let you go for the first time it broke my heart. I had to send you with Ms Swam because she was your mother and though I might hate to admit it she would die for you as I would, my son. She is a good mother though she is partially responsible for what I am doing right now. I never saw myself as able to sacrifice herself for others, but you are not any other you are my little boy. It was not really such a sacrifice because I could dull the pain with the thought of knowing you were going to have a nice life with someone who loved you as much as I do._

_ I'm leaving you again Henry and it is because of her but don't blame her. I wish I could tell you to do it, but she is as clueless as usual. I'm happy you are much more clever than all of us my son, you always saw things no one else did and I'm really proud of you because of that. I have two reasons to leave and she is going to think I'm doing it because of what happened today at the council meeting but when she reads this letter she will understand there is a bigger reason. So will you. _

_ You probably know by now but let me explain you this dear. Sometimes adults can't see things the way children do and you are such a sensitive boy that by now you are probably figuring this out while I am sure Ms Swam is reading this totally lost... I don't really blame her, Charming DNA gave her good looks but not much brain sometimes. (No offence Ms. Swam afterall my, our son has that same DNA)_

_ I teamed up with Emma in Neverland and I thought we managed to be friends. I fell in love with her. I thought once back we could work things out and I might get my happy ending; as I told you the day I broke the curse, villains don't get happy endings and I don't get mine. I have come to terms with that and I accept Emma is my true love but that I will never be hers. She despises me and I have come to accept she has all the rights to do such a thing since I'm mainly responsible for the free trip she got from the Enchanted Forest to Maine when she was a few hours old. I'm not going to apologized or regret it. Looking back with a cold brain it's pretty clear that she would have never dated your father at the Forest and you my son wouldn't exist. You are the best thing I have and one of the only good things resulting from that curse._

_ When we were brought back to Storybrooke after breaking the first curse I knew I had to give her time to explain your past to you. I was going to stand up by her and fight this new curse by her side, but she has sided with the rest of those... people. I can't take the way she looks at me. I can live knowing she won't ever love me but I cannot live knowing she won't trust me and she won't ever let me close to you again. It is not going to work watching you and her from far away and knowing that what is mine it's being stolen._

_ Today at the council everyone was scared but this time it is not my fault. I told them I was as clueless as they all are and I reminded them I would have never allowed a curse to keep you away from me. My curses never fail! When everyone started glaring at me... I thought your mother was going to stand up by my side, as she did other times but all she did was reminding me that you were off limits and that you will never be close to me again. No, I'm not poisoning your thoughts like that. She did not say that. I'm not allowing you to think she wants to keep you apart of me, she was doing what she thought it was best for you as I did many other times before and after she came into our lives like a bloody hurricane. _

_ This is the last time you hear from me so I'd better make it a good one. When I reminded them I would have kept you if the curse was mine Emma simply stood up against me saying that I would never get near you again until she would figure things out. What can I say? I would do the same she is doing, she's your mother but I just heard what I wanted and I only heard betrayal. I still waited for her to say she trusted me, the way she did at first when my mother staged Archie's death, but she did not. I'm tired Henry. I survived 18 years alone, asleep, dying inside. The last 10 it was different because I had you. You gave me a reason to live for, to fight for but the reason is long gone by now. _

_ I won't make it through another eternity on my own. I have no one. I don't have friends, family, acquaintances,... and I don't have you my little prince._

_ I told her I thought we were already done with the lack of trust between us but she gave me a piece of her mind, she wondered if she believed in my innocence and I felt like she was stabbing me. My heart has been ripped apart three times darling, loosing Daniel, loosing you and loosing Emma. As soon as she said out loud she wasn't trusting me everyone started getting close to me. I try to hold them back but with Emma on their side they just wanted my head. I felt the anger, the darkness reaching my heart again and I gave them what they wanted. They don't want Regina or Mayor Mills. They won't ever see me as anything else apart from the Evil Queen. You do Henry, you see me, the real me. Emma... I thought she did but I guess I was just delusional. I gave them the Evil Queen again but this time my wrath was nothing, I just pushed them away and left without hurting anyone._

_ I thought about blowing the place up; burn it down to ashes with all of them inside. I felt the need of doing something big and bloody but that is not me any longer. My mother turned Regina into the Evil Queen and you, my dear boy, turned me from the Evil Queen into Regina. The Evil Queen would have unleashed her wrath over those poor mortals but Regina... I couldn't, I can't hurt them, I simply can't. I pushed them away and came here. You wanted me to be good. Emma wanted me to be good. I wanted to be good for you, for her... for myself but I seem to have wasted all my second chances._

_ I'm in my crypt right now writing this. I will leave the letter here with a spell. When you get your memories back you will get this letter. Never ever forget you are my life Henry. I named you after my father because I knew I was going to love you as much as I loved him and I knew that at the end you would make me proud. _

_ Henry, my son. Don't blame Emma for this, she is not responsible for not trusting me. My baggage is too much and she's human and she has suffered my wrath. _

_ Emma... the next lines are for you dear. You are probably rushing Henry to read faster if you had not taken the letter from him by now. I don't blame you and I don't want Henry to blame you either. Please, try to make him understand I'm doing this because it is the best thing I can give, the best thing I will be able to give you two. _

_ My dear Emma, by the time you read this you will know it was not me who casted this curse. I thought we had more time to get to know each other. I thought I had enough time to win your heart, at least as friend though I wished it was as partner. It is not meant to be, as I told Henry, villains don't have happy endings. I don't blame you for what happened today. I don't blame you for anything. I took my decisions back at the Enchanted Forest and I don't regret them. I could say I do regret them but I'd lie. Regrets are silly right now. Regretting the first curse would mean regretting the way in which I got my, our son. Henry and the battles I fought for him are the only things I've done right. _

_ Emma take care of him, make sure he grows to be a generous man. Make sure he grows up to have your heart but try to bring him up with my love for order and neatness. Oh, and please darling as far as he will inherit everything I have make sure he attends the best schools and well, let him learn how to cook from someone that knows the difference between cooking meals and burning meals. I'm sure he is going to make me proud of calling him my son but I won't be here to witness it._

_ Henry, Emma I love you both and I'm leaving for good. I don't know who did this but considering the amount of people I've crossed and upset throughout the years I'm probably responsible for this one way or another. _

_ I'm going to cast a spell like the one I casted on you two a year ago. It will take me somewhere else far from Storybrooke, it will erased ALL my memories and it will give me new ones. I'll see what I can do with another life, maybe this time I don't mess all up. _

_ I will not remember any of you but I have written the spell so whatever the speel does it keeps a guilty memory. I will remember loosing a wife and son and I will be responsible for loosing them. I might have accepted I need to let you go but I'm not going to allow my heart to forget the only two things that gave me hope. I will always carry the memory of having love you two, unfortunately I will have to carry the burden of loosing you both._

_ I've fought all my life, first to be a good daughter, then to be good for Daniel, then I had to fight to survive Leopold and then I became a fight myself. I can't keep fighting, I'm too tired._

_ Emma, I'm sorry because probably none is this is what you deserve to hear but I need you to understand that when I do this is out of love and not trying to hurt you in any way. I hope you find love, if not true love at least I hope you find someone to love and to grow old with. I was lucky to love Daniel and I'm lucky I experienced what true love is, I wish you the very best dear. You are a mess Ms Swam but you are a great mother._

_ Henry love, grow up to be a generous man, keep that heart of yours as caring and loving as it is right now and don't forget me, please. Love Ms Swam, she can be many things but she is the best mother you could ever have. _

_ I love you both. I will always remember I loved you._

_ Regina"_

Regina casted the spell on the letter and left it neatly folded on the table. At some point Henry would get his memories back and then the letter would find him.

The former Evil Queen placed a soft kiss on her dad's grave and dried the tears sliding down her face "I have to go dad. I destroyed you and I'm not doing that to my son. I will always love you daddy"

She walked out of the graveyard heading towards the city line. She would cast her own spell there, it felt fair enough to say good bye to her son for the second time in the same place she did the first time.

About an hour later Regina reached her destination. She was softly crying, something was broken inside her and she was to tired to even pretend it wasn't.

She sighed and took the spell out of her pocket. It was time to be strong for the well being of her son.

The brunette woman was about to start casting the spell when a familiar noise stopped her and made her turn around to see the yellow bug abruptly stopping after almost hitting her. Regina had no time to react because as soon as the bug stopped Emma left the car yelling at her.

"Are you fucking nuts Regina? I went to find you and to explain I was just pretending to not trust you to see how they'd react and I find this fucking letter. I said you weren't getting close to Henry until we figure things out. I never meant to keep you apart from our son. You cannot be more stupid when related to Henry. I would never keep him from him. You are crazy. You don't get to tell me I'm your freaking true love and leave. You don't get to tell me I had a chance and leave me. You are not leaving me to fight this freaking mess on my own. It's our son. You fucking break it you fucking fix it. You have no right to build a new memory about me as you wife and leave. For God's sake. Do you want me? Have me, don't go all stupid building yourself memories you can build yourself. Killian? Neal? You are crazy woman... You don't get to tell me this and leave. What's most important Regina Mills, you don´t have the right to abandon your son like that. Suck it my Queen! You don't get to leave us. Am I clear Regina?"

Regina was staring at the blonde woman. She was a wreck, she was yelling and talking like a train about to derail. Emma was staring at her and Regina could feel how she wanted to slap her but there was something else on her eyes that gave Regina hope.

Old Regina wanted to laugh and say something snarky to younger woman for interrupting her but her words seem sincere. The brunette could not help herself and looking at the car shrugged "Not really. I'm still trying to understand why that suicidal machine you call car was about to hit me thirty seconds ago Ms Swam, so I haven't paid much attention to anything else you said after leaving the car." Regina had listened to everything Emma said but she needed a few more minutes to understand what was happening as long as she was trying to digest that Emma's speech was pretty close to a love confession. "Care you elaborate a little bit, please?"

Emma sighed and tried to compose herself. She wanted to slap Regina for leaving, for teasing her about the car, for scaring her but at the same time she just wanted to throw herself onto the woman's arms kissing and hugging her promising her a new life.

"You scare the shit out of me, I thought I was going to be a single mum, I thought I lost you. Regina, after you left I knew you'd be at the crypt and I went there. I saw the letter and I read it. Don't you dare to look at me that way Regina I read every single word you wrote and you are not going anywhere without Henry. Without me. First things first. I sorry I said I wondered if I trusted you, I got carried away. I trust you, with my life, with our son's. I still think it's best if we don't bring Henry into this until we have everything figure out but for sure we need you. I need you. Just in case you don't have it clear enough by WE I mean Henry and I not the mob. If you want to leave it is ok, fine by me. They don't want your help, it's up to them but if you are leaving and puffing a new life for you I'm demanding you to re write or re cast or re whatever you do with spells to make sure you include your son and your partner on it. You are not going anywhere without me Regina. You have no right to tell me I'm your true love and leave. Well, you do, in fact you just did. Ok... Im getting lost. I mean, I've wanted to tell you I loved you since we made the hat work so you cannot tell me you feel the same and leave. I want a family, I'm almost 30 Regina I can't loose another family, I am not loosing MY family. Am I clear now? You are not the only one with the freaking true love thing on her shoulders. Being there, done that... got the fucking shirt..."

Regina "Do you think you can really demand anything from me Ms Swam?" a small smile was starting to show up on Regina's face. If she was right Emma just told her she loved her, though Emma way of telling things was not exactly clear.

The young woman chuckled "Seriously? Ms Swam? Yes, after reading your confession I can make demands. If you don't consent I'm sending the sappy part of the letter to the paper. I'm sure everyone wants to know the softest part of the Evil Queen. I want you with me. love you and I want a life with you an the kid and you still go all formal on me. Once we fix this I plan on dating you, wooing you, marry you, have a few more kids with you, and die of old age by your side. Yes, I can make demands and you will agree on them"

Regina did not waited for anything else. She grabbed her hideous red jacket and kissed the younger woman on the lips. Without hesitation Emma kissed her back. After a few minutes kissing each other Emma broke the kiss. She pressed her forehead against Regina's and caressed her face before whispering "Would you mind setting the spell on fire, please?" It was a soft request but the tone on the blonde's voice was filled with fear and hope and Regina gave her a soft peek before moving away.

Not many times she had giggled but listening to Emma this time the older woman did. She moved apart breaking the embrace and a ball of fire showed up on her left hand Regina raised he eye brow and looked at Emma from head to toes "Would you mind setting that hideous jacket on fire, please?" She was kidding but to her surprise Emma removed her jacket and offered the piece of clothing to Regina "It's my favourite but you can burn it if it burns with that thing that was about to take you from me". The brunette grabbed the jacket and pushed Emma towards her softly kissing her on the lips before whispering "Put the jacket back, dear" Regina threw the paper down to the road and aimed the ball burning the spell to its ashes. "Keep it. I don't dislike it all the time Ms... Emma. I'm tired of being the Evil Queen, Snow's enemy... This war has taken too much from all of us for something a silly did without really knowing what she was doing. She's not even responsible for her father manhandling me. I'm tired of fighting. I just want to be Regina, Henry's mom, maybe your lover."

Emma hugged and kissed her with a smile while squeezing her hand "You are Regina to me, my lover. Henry's mom. Nothing else thought with those looks of you be sure I will always see my queen in you. We'll fight side by side I won't kneel for you, unless it's your bedroom and I have a good reason to do so..."

Regina saw the lust on Emma's eyes and realised her own eyes were probably looking the same. She was dying to end up with the curse and take Emma home to show her how much she wanted and loved her. "Let's hunt a villain, darling. The sooner we start the sooner we'll be home with Henry." whispered Regina. The brunette was about to get into the car when she looked up thinking that if Emma wanted to play she could play too "I always wanted to know how the Savior looks on her knees darling".

Emma snorted. Regina might be tired of being a bitch but she would never stopped being a tease "You always complain about the use I give to my mouth and about how I'm so clumsy I'm always on my knees... you might find out that it's not a bad thing I can stay on my knees for long enough to put my mouth to good use, dear..."

The look on Regina's face was priceless, but it was clear it was a chat that they would need to have another time she decided to stop it there before throwing Emma on the bonnet of the car to teach her a lesson. "Hope you can live up to your words, now drive Ms Swam. There are a few things that need fixing."

Emma obeyed and smiled. As soon as they were on their way back she grabbed Regina's hand and squeezed it gently "It will be a pain, but we'll be ok, the three of us."


End file.
